Seasons

They say, “Everything happens for a reason.” I believe this to be true. In the moment, it can be incredibly hard to see the “reason” though. I attribute this to what I call “the painter’s effect.”

Years back, I had the privilege of going to an impressionism exhibit at the Seattle Art Museum. This is one of my favorite styles of art, so this was a full experience for me. Looking at the artwork before me, I got as close as I could to the paintings so that I could see the brushstrokes the artist laid down. When looking at a painting like this, you can see the fine details, every individual stroke, the different colors, length of the stroke, etc. What you CAN’T see is the actual picture itself. However, back up a few feet, and all those individual strokes blend together to create one amazing painting.

This is the painter’s effect - and just like in life, when we are looking at life up close and personal, all up in the nitty gritty, it’s not possible to see the big picture that is unfolding. Yet, when we step back – usually this is when we are reflecting on the moments that had already happened – we see the whole picture. We see why certain experiences were had, why we went through hard moments, heartbreaking moments, moments we thought would break us, moments of pure joy, moments of confusion, all of it. All of it comes together, creating a masterpiece called LIFE.

Reflecting on 2024, I can see the masterpiece. I see how things such as getting my own place, the inevitable change in the amount of time I spent with my kids, dating, changes at work, and beginning to work with my current mentor all came together to create something great. In many moments, I was definitely NOT seeing the greatness in the picture though.

Getting my own place was the catalyst for this year of change. It was the beginning of a long season. It was a happy and sad moment. It meant freedom, individuality and independence. It also meant loneliness. Waking up alone, getting ready for work alone, coming home to an empty home, making dinner for one, and then going to bed alone. There were MANY days where the only time I’d talk to someone was when I went to work. I remember it took me about a month of living on my own to realize I should turn on some music or something when home because I lived in silence.

But being alone was where the growth happened. In my search for companionship to NOT feel alone, I found lessons, and in my alone time, I found healing.

Something I say is, the universe will present you with lessons, and until you head the lesson and make the changes, it will keep presenting it to you more and more, until one day it slaps you across the face so hard you have no choice but to listen. With love and grace of course, lol.

I’m a pretty stubborn person, and the universe knows this. With that being said, I was slapped across the face a few times in 2024. I’m always grateful that the lessons, although intense and truly felt like a WTF moment when they happen, never got to a point of serious repercussions, although close at one point. I’ve been in some pretty shitty situations, and reflecting back, many of them were because I didn’t assert my value and boundaries. I allowed others to cross lines. I gave away my power, and until I began to take it back, the universe kept delivering the same lesson in a different package over and over again.

Perhaps you can relate to this. Experiencing the same scenario again and again, even when you think you’re making progress and making changes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. It’s normal, especially when we are rewriting the narrative of core wounds we carry. With each experience, I learned something, I grew stronger, I put in work behind the scenes in myself - healing my inner child and rewriting my story.

I had to work on my beliefs of my worth, love on myself more than ever before, learn to use my voice, and understand that my desires for myself mattered more than making others happy.

And you know what? Through continued inner work, building myself up, seeing and hearing my inner child’s needs and meeting them, I began to shift things. The lessons began to change. Now, I don’t feel like I am presented with that same lesson anymore. I may encounter moments I like to call “testing moments.” Moments where you have an opportunity to apply the lesson you learned. Will you fall back to your old ways or is the new you here to stay? The new me is here to stay y’all!! She is here and she asserts her boundaries. She is strong. She walks with inner peace and trust in the universe. She still moves with grace and understanding for people, but she doesn’t do it at the expense of herself anymore.

2025 has already begun painting its brushstrokes. The new shifts have already started, and new lessons are being learned. I’m here for them. I’m taking them all with ease and understanding that when I step back and look at the whole painting, I know everything will make sense.